Who here likes to be left on read? Anyone? Nope, didn’t think so. Unanswered messages-whether it’s a text convo with your crush, a group chat that none of your friends responds to, or a hopeful conversation starter on Tinder-are just one more way living in this digital age can make you feel all-caps crappy.
But unlike those first two examples, when it comes to dating-app conversation starters and Tinder openers, there’s some art involved-and it’s incredibly important.
Of course, first impressions are critical in any context, but especially when there’s a potential relationship on the line, says Jess Carbino, PhD, a former sociologist for Tinder and Bumble. That’s because humans have a natural desire to “thin slice”-as in, digest small amounts of information (like, what’s in your bio) to determine bigger decisions (read: whether this person is worth a date. or more).
And how you perceive someone in the first 30 seconds or three minutes of interaction is as lasting an impression as how you’d feel about them after three whole hours with them, Carbino says. Which basically means that that opening message is kinda make-it-or-break-it (sorry, I don’t make the rules).
“How you perceive someone in the first 30 seconds or three minutes of interaction is as lasting an impression as how you’d feel after three whole hours with them.”
To make that intro count, all you have to do is be a little thoughtful and creative in your Tinder opener, but you don’t need to rely on cheesy pick-up lines (please don’t!). The easiest (and most duh) solution for finding love on an online dating site: “Use what their profile gave you,” Adam Lo Dolce, relationship coach and founder of SexyConfidence says.
Not sure exactly how? I rounded up the best tips-and real Tinder conversation starters (that can be used just as expertly on Bumble, or Hinge, or Coffee Meets Bagel, or Facebook Dating or. insert dating app here)-to make at least one part of life a little easier on ya. But one caveat? If you end up engaged, I want an invite to the wedding.
First, keep your Tinder opening message short.
“A lot of people overly invest their time and energy into sending a message and custom-tailoring it. But at the end of the day, its truly a numbers game online,” Lo Dolce says, noting that you should keep in mind that the person you’re reaching out to could be getting lots of messages (especially on Bumble, where the woman has to initiate).
That’s why he recommends keeping your message short and sweet-no one wants to respond to a paragraph. But make it playful and slightly personal:
- “Howdy! You seem. “
- “I find it fascinatingly wild that you. “
- “You look fun-how’s your week going?”
Know that its okay to tease them a bit.
There are plenty of people on Tinder sending “Hey” and “Hi” messages, which is why yours could be easily overlooked. That why Lo Dolce encourages his clients to make their first message stand out. “Teasing someone is a great way to differentiate yourself,” Lo Dolce says. Those of you who are naturally sarcastic might have to be careful with this one. The teases should still express interest and come off as playful and flirty-not judgmental.
- “You mentioned you love The Killers (or insert band/musician here). A bit old school, but I still dig it. :)”
- “You said you hated ice cream? I need details.”
- “Be honest. Is that dog really yours or just for props?”
- “Umm, you don’t like The Avengers? Let’s talk!”